The Circumcision of Allen Schezar
by Yradana
Summary: Plot described in title! LOL. Border-lines PG-13/R. Contains: Shounen-Ai. And... Lots of sick jokes.... LOL. Please R&R, insanity must be supported! This is only the first chapter! More to come!


(AU, Chid knows he's Allen's son, Folken's still alive, Hitomi's still in Gaea and Celena can turn into Dilandau.)  
  
"CHID! CHID!" Allen had sent all conscious staff to search for his son. He suspected he was hiding. Today was a big day. The day when… Eh, it was too horrible to think about. Allen shuddered at the idea. Within forty-five minutes, Gaddes had brought Chid to the Knight Caeli, the child covered in owl droppings. Allen scowled lightly. "Gaddes, give him a bath and then we're off to see Aston." Allen waved his first mate off.  
  
"Gaddes?" Chid asked, in the middle of his bath.   
"Yes?"  
"Why is father making me get.. get…"  
"Circumcised?"  
"Yes."  
"No idea… He never was…" Gaddes' eyes bulged as he realized what he had said. The Captain would not be too happy.  
"Really?!" Chid shrieked.  
"Really." He replied glumly.  
"Oh." Chid sat in silence for a few precious seconds. "Gaddes?"  
"Yes?"  
"How would you know that?"  
  
"Is he ready?" Allen questioned urgently.  
"Yes, Boss." Gaddes replied timidly.  
"I can't believe he's getting…" Allen shuddered once more. "I never could go through with that…"  
"I know, Boss."  
Allen smiled slyly. Sliding a hand beneath Gaddes' belt, he began to blow to nibble softly on the gruff man's ear.  
"Father?" Chid entered the room, fully clothed. Allen ripped himself away from Gaddes, making him wince.   
"Gaddes simply had his belt buckle stuck and I was…" Allen coughed, searching for an excuse. "Loosening it for him…" Despite himself, the first mate chuckled.   
"Oh." Chid voiced.  
"Yes, well… Let's get going!"  
  
Allen saddled his horse, placing Chid in his lap for the ride. Holding the reins in one hand he placed the other in Chid's hair and smiled warmly.  
"Father?"  
"Yes, Chid?" Allen cheered. He loved it when Chid called him that.  
"Father, Gaddes told me something…"  
"Y-Yes?" Allen stammered. He wanted to keep his romantic relationship with Gaddes under wraps for as long as necessary. He had worked hard for his reputation and would not lose it now.  
"He told me you had not been… been… He said you were like me…"  
Allen furrowed his brow. What was Chid getting at? "In what way?"  
"In the way of… of the… dick?"  
The knight caeli nearly exploded from his saddle. "Where did you learn that word?!"  
"Aruto."  
"Well, then, I'm just going to have to speak to him about that."  
"Father, would you be avoiding the question I asked?"  
"Which would be?"  
"Were you ever circumcised?"  
Allen bit his tongue. "No, I wasn't."  
"Then why are you making me!?!"  
"I want you to be healthy… Without it, you might get an infection."  
Chid looked up at his father. "Well, I want you to be healthy too."  
Allen practically melted from the sweetness of his son's comment. Then he realized what he was inferring. "You want me to… to…"  
"Yes, Father."  
"Oh."  
"Will you please?" Chid's eyes pleaded with him.  
"That's a dirty trick." Allen muttered.  
"Merle-san taught me!" Chid giggled. "Does that mean you'll do it?"  
"Yes."  
"Father?"  
"What?!"  
"I have another question." Allen dreaded Chid's statement.  
"What is it?"  
"Well, Gaddes told me that you hadn't been…"  
"Yes?"  
"How would he know that?"  
  
"Chid's making you get a what?!" Hitomi shrieked. Inside the main hall of Pallas' Palace, Allen had gathered all of his acquaintances for the occasion. In Gaea, a boy's circumcision was a very important affair. Needless to say, the ruler of Freid's was a sacred occasion. Chis nervously sat on a pillow, clad in a white robe. Tradition called for the boy's maternal grandfather to perform the ritual, and since that person was King Aston, Chid gazed in wide eyed horror at the man. Celena watched Hitomi and Allen converse, adding a few crude comments every now and then. Van was lounging on the marble stairs, sneering at the knight caeli. Dryden was staring at Millerna, who was staring at Allen, who was staring at Hitomi. Merle was fawning over Van and Folken was being Folken-ish off in the corner.  
"Why would Chid want you to do that?" Hitomi asked.  
"I haven't the faintest." Allen replied.  
"I think you have a vague conception of why Gaddes wants you to have one, though…" Celena said. From across the room, Dryden laughed. He was beginning to think that not everyone related to Allen was completely despicable.   
"Celena!" Hitomi screamed. Allen was fiercely blushing and scowling at his sister.  
"Onii-san, you're blushing!" Celena teased.  
"Anyway, Allen-san, who are you going to get to perform the rite?" Hitomi said.   
"I don't know." Allen murmured through pursed lips.  
"What about Folken? He seems to have a cool head."  
"I hardly know the man. And I don't think that would be a very good ice-breaking topic."  
"True, true." Hitomi agreed.  
"It all depends on what kind've ice you're planning on breaking…" Celena chimed in. Yet again, Dryden laughed.  
"Ahem!" Aston loudly cleared his throat. "We may begin. Allen Crusade Schezar the 8th, as the boy's father, I ask you to present him." Allen stood and walked over to Chid and held one of his small hands.   
"Father, no! I don't want him to. Please! He's old. He has bad eyesight! He might miss!" Allen squeezed Chid's hand as a warning to stay quiet.   
"You go first!" He pleaded. The blonde man shook his head.  
"I promise, I'll get one. Just do this and it will all be over in a few minutes."  
"That's what I'm afraid of…"  
"Chid! That is enough!" Allen sternly commanded. Aston cleared his throat once more.  
"As father of Chid zar Freid Schezar, I present him to you." Allen announced. After letting go of Chid's hand he bowed and scooted away. Aston nodded and pulled a small, dagger-looking object from his crimson robe. The boy flinched as his eyes grew wide. Millerna and Hitomi brought up a curtain around Aston and Chid. After a few moments there was a loud yelp from behind the sheet. Van crossed his legs frantically as Dryden's sunglasses fell from his nose. Folken lightly patted Allen on one shoulder while Chid's father shuddered violently.  
"It is done." Aston's voice emerged from the curtain as Hitomi and Millerna began to draw it down. Chid waddled out, a little woozy, and bounded into his father's arms.   
"Father, can we go home now?" Allen nodded and stroked his son's head.  
  
Once home, Gaddes came out to greet Chid and Allen. Grinning broadly, he patted Chid on the head. "I see the soldier's back from war."  
:No, unfortunately he was ritualistically beheaded and they sent the body back with me as proof for his wife and children." Chid remarked. Allen resolved he was going to have to post a notice to keep Aruto from influencing his son further. The boy blinked up at the father and trotted inside.  
"Did everything go alright?" Gaddes asked.  
"Everything went fine. He's just being melodramatic." Narrowing his eyes, Allen put an arm around Gaddes' shoulders. "A word, if I may.."  
Gaddes stared at the blonde's hand. That didn't sound good.  
  
"Gee Boss, I never though telling him would get that kind've reaction."  
"Yes, well, it did."  
"Well, if it helps, I'm sorry."  
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Allen mumbled.  
"Then who should I apologize to?"  
Allen pointed down, indicating his groin. Gaddes smiled roguishly.   
"Well, I know how to make it up to him."  
"You better."  
  
Snuggling naked in Allen's bed, Gaddes began to play with the golden strands of hair atop the knight caeli's head. Stopping briefly, Gaddes smacked his lips.  
"So, who ya gonna get to do it?"  
"Do what?"  
"The circumcision." Gaddes answered.  
"I don't know. Would you?"  
"Honored to be your first choice, sir, but if my hand slipped, I'd kill myself before you had a shot at me." Gaddes snickered.  
"When you put it that way…"  
"What about Reeden?" Gaddes suggested.  
"He's always at the bottle. I don't think I could keep him sober long enough to make the incision."   
"True. What about Aruto?"  
"I've had quite enough of Aruto." Allen scowled while Gaddes resumed playing with his hair.  
"How about Kanzaki?" The first mate asked.  
"I don't think that's a woman's job."  
"The young king?"  
"He could miss. And he WOULD miss."  
"Fasa?"  
"Dear God, no. Visions of chopping off my penis dance through his head like sugar plums on steroids." Allen retorted. Gaddes laughed loudly.  
"Then I guess you're stuck." Just as Allen began roughly kissing Gaddes' neck, there was a knock at the door. The first mate hurled himself out of bed and flew into the closet, landing with a loud "thump." Allen rushed over, closed the door and sprung into bed.  
"Come in!"  
Chid opened the door and looked at his father. "What was that loud noise?"  
"Nothing. Di-Did you want something?"  
Chid nodded. Climbing onto the bed, he stared at his father. "Did you think about your promise?"  
"I was thinking about it just now." Allen blurted out.  
"And?"  
"And I'll look for someone to perform the rite tomorrow."  
"I was thinking, perhaps Gaddes could do it." Chid said. There was another loud "thump" from the closet.  
"I think not." Allen replied.  
"Alright, I guess… I'll go." Chid hopped off the bed and headed to the door. Turning the knob, he looked back at Allen. "Father?"  
"Yes?"  
"Why are you naked?"  
  
**** 


End file.
